Family Story

What I've Become Aware of Since Attending SFUAD

I used to think I was fine with being myself. Back at home in Lubbock, TX, I used to ridicule my friend Josh for always dwelling on what others thought. I told him he needed to live in the moment, be his own person and not care about other's opinions of him.

It was only recently that I realized I was such a hypocrite. 

Who was I to say, "Be your own person"? I didn't even know who I was, and I still don't. 

Who was I to advise, "Ignore the negative opinions of your peers, parents and pastors"? Didn't I try to please and impress all of those people every minute of every day? Wasn't I the one who was always secretly afraid of what the world my think of me? 

Who was I to say any of this?

I think the whole time I was subconsciously telling myself off for being so compliant with the wishes of the world. Sure I talked big, and occasionally I'd actually walk the talk, but truthfully I was scared shitless just like Josh. Scared of what people would think because I loved them and they loved me.

Here ... I don't know anyone. I haven't had years to accumulate feelings of love for them and so I honestly don't give shit about what they think of me. It's funny, in a place so unfamiliar I've never felt so able to be me. It's a new start. I can be whomever I want to be.

I'm not sure I've actually learned anything yet. I think I'm still in the process of learning. All I know is that I now have somewhere to go, and that's enough. 

Class Writing: Perhaps Searching

I am looking for something.
What, I don't know.
Perhaps solitude.
Perhaps a good social circle.
Perhaps something beautiful.
Perhaps something quite ordinary.
Perhaps something new.
Perhaps something very familiar.
Perhaps I'm just looking to give me something to do.
Do I continue going?
Or do I turn around and start completely over?
Do I even bother with either?
Maybe I'll just stay here, looking at this current view forever . . .
but what would be the point in that?

Spud

To me, spud is not a small potato. Spud was a white, soft seal, filled with tiny beads that crunched when you hugged him tight. He was no bigger than a small puppy, and he could fly. I'd sit him on top of my ceiling fan and when the motors cranked and the blades spun, he would soar through the air, his small red cape flapping in the wind. He was MY super hero. He would comfort me when I'd had a bad day, and he would 'beat up' all of the bullies, who were in the shape of a small plastic velociraptor.
Spud was not a potato. Spud was my friend.
I lost him when I was ten.

My Spot

Everything seems to have a different meaning on this mountain. Why do I suddenly feel every breath of wind? Why is it that there are so many more birds and clouds in the sky? What of the sky? Is it more blue? Can I breath easier?
Why do the ideas come so naturally when I'm on this mountain top high??

Having No Answers At All

THE BEAR and THE LIZARD

The Lizard is running in place.

The Bear is sitting down, meditating.

The Lizard is running in place still.

The Bear is still meditating.

The Lizard runs past the bear and then drops to the ground right next to it, doing fast stretches.

LIZARD: Hey whatcha doing??

The Bear says nothing.

LIZARD: HEY BEAR! I said whatcha doing?!

BEAR: I’m meditating ...

LIZARD: What’s that??

BEAR: It’s where I train my mind into a mode of consciousness to realize benefit.

LIZARD: ... huh?

BEAR: I got the definition off of Wikipedia.

LIZARD: Whatever that is! ... So what’s the point of this meditation??

BEAR: Well, at the end of a long day, it’s nice to sit down in a ... quiet atmosphere ... and just release all of the tension and stress you’ve accumulated throughout the day through deep breathing - 

LIZARD: That sounds boring as hell!!

BEAR: To each their own.

LIZARD: Besides, I don’t have time to meditate! I’m a lizard! I’m always moving! You see ... I’m a triathlete!! 

BEAR: Sometimes it’s worth it to stop moving for as long as you can, sit down, and smell the flowers.

LIZARD: ... Hmmmm ... WELL! Looks like I gotta go! CATCH YA LATER BEAR! 

The Lizard runs away.

The Bear continues to meditate.

...

The Lizard walks back to the bear and sits down next to him.

LIZARD: You know, I’m tired of running. Let’s meditate.

I am from . . .

I am from the red and white coffee mug on the counter.

From the green leather sofas and the tan, rough carpet.

I am from the one story house with the metal roof

With the scent of a home cooked meal the the feel of a spotted furry friend.

I am from the water,

The water that trickles down the pond-less waterfall next to the magnolia tree

whose long gone limbs I remember

as if they were my own.

I am from sunday lunches and the family board games.

From the Crazy Aunt Leslie and the Bible Thumper Aunt Tizzie.

I am from days at the lake and Thanksgiving football,

and from the complete and absolute craziness that is my family.

I am from church and yes ma'ams and no ma'ams

and from the angles that have blessed my mom.

I'm from Saturday morning biscuits and honey with Chief and Nonnie.

I'm from Lubbock, TX and Ireland and the tribes of the Apache.

Mom's macaroni and cheese and Dad's chicken. Nonnie's rum cake.

From the terrible wreck.

The wreck that lead to Codine and vodka.

Memaw's old house which we still drive by.

The many photo albums on the shelf.

I am from that which has made me.

Tom Grimes 8-30-11

Why Blog?

I've had a blog, and I hated it. It was probably the biggest waste of my time.
Then again, soon after starting my account I found that everyone on that particular blogging site were a bunch of self absorbed ass holes.
That being said, this is a different site and it's a new start, so I am going to go into this with an open mind.
Plus it's required for my Ideation class at Santa Fe University of Art and Design, which is, after all, my absolute favorite class here.
And no, I am not saying this because my teacher views my blog. It really is my favorite and I enjoy it.
Expect lot's of nonsensical and random ideas coming out of this nobody.